heart attack

our dsl is out at home. stupid verizon.

due to this fact, I couldn't get into my online banking, and went to the atm only to find out i was down to 107 bucks, even though we supposedly got paid today. good lord! i thought there was all sorts of rubber flyin. but luckily (or retardedly, as the case may be,) it turns out that my work paycheck from the evil lords of ex-jobness hasn't been deposited yet. however, I am pretty sure I will still need mouth to mouth to recover. nearly panicked and died. really, it's true. however, NO bills bounced. thank heavens...

house is still not together. it hurts my head to look at it. oh well.
we leave for cali in the AM. freakin early in the AM. SIGH. that is okay, at least i can sleep on the plane.

I am so looking forward to the trip. it will be nice to get out of our lovely new junk-infested apartment, and hang out. hopefully we have enough time between wedding soirees to hit the beach, even for just one day....

ah, the sand, the sun, the salt, i can taste you now....

chaos

oy.
how is it actually worse when you get the boxes unpacked?

this place is a mess. we have lots of furniture (and tons of stuff) but I am not convinced we have the RIGHT furniture, and WAAAAY too much stuff. -sigh-

I feel like I have been busting my ass for nearly a week, and still haven't got much to show for it...a crap review in the post, an exploded apartment, and now I am ill. tummy trouble. great.

I am glad to be here though, and glad to be wit de'mans. it's at least fun chaos...

as a side note:
I have the BEST friends in the whole world. I don't know what would have happened to me this weekend if I didn't have their help. They deserve moooch thanks, gratitude, money....jen, becc....you ROCK!

reason # 47

also, another reason i adore my J:

(as we are driving)

Me: good heavens, you'd think that guy wouldn't be taking up the whole lane on a bike like that...
(after string of ridiculous obscenities from the driver--i wasn't driving--and as we are passing the guy...)
J: GET A HORSE!

need i say more?

paralysis

I can remember when I was in college, and I'd be having a show, three midterms and a sewing project due, and I was supposed to be at work in 3 hours. What did I do? how did I handle that stress? I'd fall asleep on the floor for about an hour. just anywhere on the floor, although preferrably in a doorway.

Well, these days it is much the same reaction. except i don't have that much floor space anymore, so i have to settle for bailing out of my life for a while on the couch or bed. yeesh.

am not packed. am freaking out a little bit, and then there's the ebay problem......
i don't buy much. really i don't, but i like to look. i look alot. for long periods of time. am convinced i can find that one really cool bargain or the ONE THING i reallly want if i keep looking. ugh.

and then there's my eye. i think it is somehow infected or scratched or something. eyelid is all puffy. also, another way my body deals with enormous pressure. it explodes.

today will be busy. am painting at studio today. and running errands. and cooking for a potluck tonight. i sound like i am 45! potluck? good heavens....

oh, and there will be packing. lots of packing...

one week down

whew.
i live to tell the tale...

We opened on friday.
It went really well.

The second act isn't their strongest, after they have been sitting around during intermission. they lose some momentum that way. so both nights, it wasn't their strongest part of the show, but even still, it wasn't that bad. They really pulled out all the stops for some of those solos. They sounded awesome. really awesome.

Over all, it went well. I'd say it was very well received.

Last night, we had some adjudicators there, and a reviewer from the post. I hope they liked it. If a review comes out, I will post a link for you, if I can figure out how that works... it will be interesting to see what other people who haven't lived and breathed the show for the last two months think about it.

it's so strange to have a chunk of time that isn't being taken up by thinking about the show, working on the show, running errands for the show or packing. we took today off to do NOTHING. and it's heavenly.

unemployed in greenland

forgot to mention, while everyone was very nice when i quit, and initial plan was that i work thru july 30...yeah, see...well...
they changed their mind. I was out on the street that very day. boom.

i thought that might happen when i gave my notice, but i guess i figured i was safe, because it didn't happen right away.
But i can't say that i am sorry.
i have time to run errands. I have time to sleep (which, as you can tell i aint doin). and the best part is, well, I have time to pack. no wait, the best thing is, i don't have to go to work anymore! yay! take that all you suckers!

I am supposed to go back for about a week in august, but i might tell them to forget it. we'll see. because if i don't go, it will be like "I quit-you're sacked-no I quit again!" and then I will have the last word..muhahahahahah (evil take-over-of-world laugh)

our landlord sent the key to our new place, and we tried to use it yesterday. however, it didn't work. either that, or we weren't smart enough to get it to work, and wouldn't that be sad... so he is fed ex-ing another key to see if that will work.

i hope we get it today. man, we gotta get in there.

well, i'm off to bid on ebay...
(just kiddin honey....:D)

oooohhhhh

so very tired.
can't quite see straight.

show opens friday.
garage sale saturday morning.
sleep sat afternoon
show sat night.

ah. sunday to pack.
never thought I'd be so excited about that....

must...get...through...july...must...not...kill....stupid, useless, invitation-related people....

It's weird how this weekend we were still able to have a secret anniversary celebration amidst the wackiness that is weekend before show. But it was nice. Foul weather ruined initial anniversary celebration plan, but the one we came up with was just as nice.

I can't believe we've dated for a year. It seems like I have just known him forever. so strange but pleasant.

in other news:
I quit my job today.
I was nervous, but it worked out okay. No yelling or chair-throwing.
Everyone was surprisingly nice.
That was good.

Show opens this weekend.
Next weekend we move.
after that i'm "free at last free at last thank god amighty i'm free at last"!

dreams are weird

well, i woke up this morning, and felt as if I have learned something about myself. It was very sure and strong, having come out of a vivid dream and made humongous realizations.
However, right now, I am not sure if I really think they are right, or if they are even something to be sure about. It's all so fuzzy.

and, of course now, if I say it, it will seem incredibly cheesy anyways, so what's the point.

however, one thing I have figured out for sure--I have some loose ends with someone who keeps invading my dreams. Every dream I am figuring out the moment ; I am finding the answer; I learn the truth about WHY things happened the way they did. And then, when I wake up, what seemed so sure and reasonable is far away and fuzzy again. I need clarification. I might ask for it. It will be hard, but at least it will put a closure on why I am not a part of this person's life anymore, and why I wasn't important enough to that person to make an effort.

Perhaps a letter is in order....

The luckiest girl

A reason I adore my J--

(as we are making our lunches this morning)

Me: Which one has mayo on it?
J: both. wait, only one, but I am not telling. Now you have to play Sandwich Roulette!
Me: Sandwich roulette?
J: Yes, but much less deadly than it's international cousin, Russian Sanwich Roulette, where they leave them out in the sun all day first...


:)

Running the Gauntlet

It's like riding a roller coaster.

that feeling (clack clack clack)
you get
as you climb (clack clack clack)
that first big hill
you almost think the car won't make it (clack clack...clack)
and you think you might want to get off
like you might have changed your mind (clack clack)
but only because you are so excited you are scared
on that first big hill (clack....clack)
as you teeter for that half a second before the WHOOSH.

That is today. today is that top of the first hill.

July is gonna be a trip.

hi everyone, i hope you had a splendiferous fourth of july.

my weekend: stress packed.
well, I'm not packed, which is part of the problem.

But for the fourth, we went to a party w/ some of bf friends, nice folk--crazy drunks.
It was a good time.

we schlepped over to the iwo jima memorial to see the fireworks. i wish we could have been closer, just because the booms don't rattle your chest as well from so far away, but it was nice nonetheless.

fireworks remind me of my dad. I don't know why. well, they play alot of sousa, who dad was a big fan of.
and anything ragtimey, which is a very american musical genre, so sometimes they play that as well.

when i was little, we weren't allowed to go see fireworks, because my sister was freakishly frightened of them. I mean, she'd run and scream and scream and scream and cry. thunder was also a HUGE problem at my house, but i could be persuaded to be scared of loud thunder as well--i can't hold that against them. However, the fireworks were another matter. so, to remedy that problem, we just didn't go. which i found very unfair, since i loved fireworks. occassionally one parent (usally dad) would take me, and leave mom to calm down the tantrum thrower.

Now, for some reason, I always think of my dad when i watch them. I listen to the music, and feel fiercely patriotic, and very lucky to live where i live, and have the things that i have. most of the time, i am sad to say, i don't really think about it. i don't think about it during the weenie roasts, or at christmas time, or valentine's day, but i always think about it during the fireworks display on the fourth. and i think about what my dad would say about the music. he'd lean over and say things like "you know when this was written? they are playing it slower than usual, or they've added different accompaniment..." whatever. he liked to point out things that were wrong, or why they were the way they were. that was just dad. but every fourth of july, i hear him in my head. and it makes me sad.

i miss him.

oof.
mental note to meself:
do not fight with boyfriend over wedding before getting engagement ring.
is counterproductive.

yar.
i am so sleepy. I am looking forward to july 4th, because i get a BREAK from work and from rehearsal, however, I will be spending every spare moment packing and cleaning. hardly a vacation. at least a breif respite at the pool will be nice. I wonder when my aunt and uncle are coming home, and how much they will mind that I and 4 of my nearest and dearest have invaded their house. Hmm. Good thing I am related! That means they can't toss me out permanetly! woo hoo!

poo.

I just like the word poo.

So much to do, so little time....